So after I posted my most recent blog I started reading it over and something about it struck me as odd. Then I read Aaron's comment and it confermed my suspitions.
The reason I've been such a mess lately is not because I'm sad that Jesus died. It's because I've been blaming myself. Now, of corse, it is partualy my fault, we all put him through that by chosing sin over God in the Garden of Eden. But God forgives me, and if he can forgive me then I can forgive myself too.
Crying over the suffering of someone you love deeply is not only okay, it's perfectly normal. So, yes. I probable will still be crying every 10 minents, at least for a while, but that's okay, as long as I don't keep blaming myself.
God is so good to me, but he can't help me if I keep shuting him out.
Duh.
I just felt like I couldn't let him help me after what I did to him. But, as I before, God doesn't care. He loves me anyway, and He wants to help me, and I'm going to let him.
Thank you Aaron for everything!
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